More adults than you might think are not getting sexually active. This is why

Sex has a big effect on many parts of our health and happiness. It is also one of our most basic physical needs. Sex is a big part of who we are and how we interact with other people.

But millions of adults don’t have sex for at least part of their lives. This can cause emotional pain, shame, and low self-esteem for both the person who avoids sex and the partner who is turned down.

But even though having sex is a big part of our culture, we don’t know as much about not having it.

As a person who studies human behavior and is interested in how sex and gender affect each other, I’ve found that sexual avoidance affects more than one part of our health. I’ve also learned that people avoid sex for a variety of reasons, some of which are easy to fix.

People who have more sex say they have more self-esteem, are happier with their lives, and have a better quality of life. On the other hand, having less sex or avoiding it is linked to psychological distress, anxiety, depression, and problems in relationships.

Alfred Kinsey found in his important work that up to 19% of adults do not have sex. This depends on the person’s gender and marital status. Married men almost never go a long time without having sex.

Other studies also show that women tend to avoid sex more than men. Up to 40% of women will avoid sex at some point in their lives. Low libido and pain during sex are big problems.

Early on, boys and girls are different. More teenage girls don’t have sex than teenage boys.

Because of sexual abuse in childhood, women are also more likely to avoid sex. Women who are pregnant worry about losing the baby or hurting it. They may also not want to have sex because they are bored or tired.

Most of the time, men don’t have sex because they can’t get an erection, they have a long-term health problem, or they don’t have the chance.

But our research and that of others have shown that medical problems are the main reason why both men and women avoid sex.

For example, people with heart disease who are afraid of having a heart attack often don’t have sex. Other studies have shown the same thing for people with cerebrovascular diseases like a stroke.

Chronic pain takes away from the pleasure of sexual activity and makes it harder to get into certain positions. Depression and stress it causes, as well as some medications for chronic pain, can get in the way.

Diabetes and obesity are metabolic conditions that make people less sexually active. In fact, diabetes can speed up the loss of sexual interest in men by up to 15 years. Large bodies and bad body image make it hard to get close, which is a key part of being able to have sex.

Personality disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, and not getting enough sleep all have a big effect on sexual desire and ability.

Many medications, like antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs, lower libido and sexual activity, which makes it more likely that someone will avoid sexual relationships.

Lastly, low testosterone levels in men and low dopamine and serotonin levels in both men and women can play a role.

Loneliness makes both men and women spend less time with other people and have fewer chances to get close to other people. People who are lonely sometimes use pornography instead of real sexual relationships. This is important because pornography may hurt sexual performance in the long run.

Many older people don’t have sex because they are ashamed, feel guilty, or think they are “too old for sex.” But it would be wrong to think that older people are not interested in sex.

Few people talk to their doctors about problems they are having with their sexuality. In fact, at least half of all visits to the doctor have nothing to do with sexual issues.

Some doctors may not ask about their patients’ sexual lives because they don’t want to make their patients feel bad or because they don’t have enough time. Some doctors think that talking about sexual problems brings them too close to the patient. Some people think it will take too long to talk about sexuality.

Still, some doctors may be afraid to ask their patients about sex, but research has shown that patients are willing to answer if asked. This means that their sexual problems are not being dealt with unless the doctor brings it up.

Some help would be good for the patients. To give just one example, people who have arthritis and low back pain need information and advice from their health care provider about how to avoid pain during intercourse.

What’s Going On?

Do ask, do tell should replace “Don’t ask, don’t tell.”